I wish I could keep my feet on the ground.

I swear I don't mean to be like this. For you I wish I could keep my feet on the ground. Either twirling in circles or swirling ferociously in a hurricane. I know no in-between. Heart on your sleeve is an understatement when every emotion can be seen in my face and heard in every breath of my voice. I've never been good at hiding, just running. For you I wish I could keep my feet on the ground. That calm place I preach to go to, ceases to exist in my whirlwind of emotions and desires. I bounce from petal to petal, with my head looking back, chained to whatever has come before as I try to run faster. Every experience I've breathed through has carved veins in my arm, tainted with blood that will never cease to course through their streams. I cannot forget. I am not strong enough. This is my evolution and we all live and suffer through the process. Being bound to all that has come before and enslaved by time we cannot escape. This world doesn't fit me. I am not anything but energy and there is no limit to my chaos. In so many ways, I can not expel enough, and my constant struggle is to harness and focus. For you, I wish I could keep my feet on the ground.

Sanskaras

Sanskaras. are the imprints left on the subconscious mind by experience in this or previous lives, which then color all of life, one's nature, responses, states of mind.

Years pass before you realize you haven't grown up. Sometimes that's something I champion on my shoulders, other times that lack of growth is crippling. Free spirit, wise soul; I'm speaking to you. (To me.) Where are you? Your words slice souls, and even when they're easy to forgive they leave scars deep within the mind. How I yearn to burn off all these imprints from time. That timeline you use to get from there to here. All that has happened. In a way your mind can comprehend. Because you're always thinking, and always swinging, depending on those thought qualities. Every body movement, glance, and interaction leave those impressions. How do you go on when the scars are still bleeding? How do you stop the swinging mind? Find the stillness. Let their be chaos. And be the stillness. Resonate what your soul is, pure love. Express that through your words and actions steadily, for whatever stream of vibration you send out, will come back and you will bathe in it. Whether with love or with fear. I need more hearts burned into my chest. 

Joan of Arc

I am not afraid; I was born to do this.

Joan of Arc

The Death of Wanderlust

I remember distinctly sitting in my dorm room in Ireland listening to these twenty-somethings from all over the world talk about missing home, their lives, and all the different people in them. And not feeling anything. Nothing. I remember them rushing to book their flights home, and doing anything to put off finding mine. Roaming around the country for an extra month just to fill up some need for more. Same thing in Austin. Blank. Nothing. No desire for anything but more new. More exploring. I just wanted to be exactly where I was. Then New York and Hawaii, and Sydney, just kept filtering through my eyes. Through them. And then something happened along the way. I stopped feeling unattached. I fell in love, rented an apartment, got a job, then owned a business. And now, two days away from home and I want my bed, my boyfriend and my life. It's amazing. There's still this need to roam and explore. That'll always be there. I just don't need to be surprised to be happy. Traveling brought me into the present, with the amazement of everything that was around me. But I don't need it anymore. It's not that I won't or don't want to travel, I just don't need it to feel alive.