Joan of Arc

I am not afraid; I was born to do this.

Joan of Arc

The Death of Wanderlust

I remember distinctly sitting in my dorm room in Ireland listening to these twenty-somethings from all over the world talk about missing home, their lives, and all the different people in them. And not feeling anything. Nothing. I remember them rushing to book their flights home, and doing anything to put off finding mine. Roaming around the country for an extra month just to fill up some need for more. Same thing in Austin. Blank. Nothing. No desire for anything but more new. More exploring. I just wanted to be exactly where I was. Then New York and Hawaii, and Sydney, just kept filtering through my eyes. Through them. And then something happened along the way. I stopped feeling unattached. I fell in love, rented an apartment, got a job, then owned a business. And now, two days away from home and I want my bed, my boyfriend and my life. It's amazing. There's still this need to roam and explore. That'll always be there. I just don't need to be surprised to be happy. Traveling brought me into the present, with the amazement of everything that was around me. But I don't need it anymore. It's not that I won't or don't want to travel, I just don't need it to feel alive.

Don’t date a girl who travels

• Adi in Better Humans

Don’t date a girl who travels. She is hard to please. The usual dinner-movie date at the mall will suck the life out of her. Her soul craves for new experiences and adventures. She will be unimpressed with your new car and your expensive watch. She would rather climb a rock or jump out of an airplane than hear you brag about it.

Don’t date a girl who travels because she will bug you to book a flight every time there’s an airline seat sale. She wont party at Republiq. And she will never pay over $100 for Avicii because she knows that one weekend of clubbing is equivalent to one week somewhere far more exciting.

Chances are, she can’t hold a steady job. Or she’s probably daydreaming about quitting. She doesn’t want to keep working her ass off for someone else’s dream. She has her own and is working towards it. She is a freelancer. She makes money from designing, writing, photography or something that requires creativity and imagination. Don’t waste her time complaining about your boring job.

Don’t date a girl who travels. She might have wasted her college degree and switched careers entirely. She is now a dive instructor or a yoga teacher. She’s not sure when the next paycheck is coming. But she doesn’t work like a robot all day, she goes out and takes what life has to offer and challenges you to do the same.

Don’t date a girl who travels for she has chosen a life of uncertainty. She doesn’t have a plan or a permanent address. She goes with the flow and follows her heart. She dances to the beat of her own drum. She doesn’t wear a watch. Her days are ruled by the sun and the moon. When the waves are calling, life stops and she will be oblivious to everything else for a moment. But she has learned that the most important thing in life isn’t surfing.

Don’t date a girl who travels as she tends to speak her mind. She will never try to impress your parents or friends. She knows respect, but isn’t afraid to hold a debate about global issues or social responsibility.

She will never need you. She knows how to pitch a tent and screw her own fins without your help. She cooks well and doesn’t need you to pay for her meals. She is too independent and wont care whether you travel with her or not. She will forget to check in with you when she arrives at her destination. She’s busy living in the present. She talks to strangers. She will meet many interesting, like-minded people from around the world who share her passion and dreams. She will be bored with you.

So never date a girl who travels unless you can keep up with her. And if you unintentionally fall in love with one, don’t you dare keep her. Let her go.

Behind the Wheel

You'll always find something in your life to stress you out or make you upset. What I need to rediscover are those things that make me better and stronger and alive. They're still there. They're all still there. All the time. Coexisted and creating chaos (or a symphony). Pick the right thing to focus on. Focus on your problems, they'll get bigger, becoming monsters right in front of your eyes. Focus on what makes you stronger and better and up you go. Whatever you focus your energy on, you're feeding. It seems so simple from my bed. It gets so much more complicated behind the wheel. But that's the point, I'm behind the wheel. So monsters, back the fuck up. I'm back. 

Will you love me?

Everything still smells like you. And I'm trying not to notice, and most of the time I'm fuzzy, but then I wake up in the morning and everything's clear. I remember where I am, and how I got there. I look back at all the things I've done, and sometimes it's too easy to remember what you did wrong when you feel guilty. I remember doing things right (hold me), and wrong (GO AWAY). All of that residual childhood energy leaks out, when you forget how to act. But now I remember that everything's fragile and nothing's for sure. It makes you feel alive. Something that cuts deep into raw skin. And then all of a sudden I'm alive, listening to every breath come in and out.

Free Fall

I don't remember the last time I wrote. I don't remember the last time I needed to so bad. This house feels empty. I could literally feel the connection between us disappear as you walked out the door. You know how you can feel the person you love, even when they're far away? They're still with you. It's gone. Like all the wind comes out of you at once and you just feel everything you had slip away. Like you can't breathe and you don't remember how to rewind time or how it all came to this. And you just want to shut your eyes so it all disappears. Maybe you can wake up and it'll all be a dream. A really bad nightmare. But days go on. And the minutes seem like hours. And you just can't figure out how to turn off and go to sleep. It's that nauseous feeling of free fall.