Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Winner.

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Stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you.

I read this yesterday, something so simple and obvious but I finally realized; STOP WAITING FOR PEOPLE TO CHANGE. To grow, to love you better, to care at all. Concentrate on those who can already see you.

Monday, June 11, 2012

The Mermaid

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A mermaid found a swimming lad,
Picked him for her own,
Pressed her body to his body,
Laughed; and plunging down
Forgot in cruel happiness
That even lovers drown.

William Butler Yeats

What I've Learned:

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Things I've learned (in no particular order):

I want a son. I want a son. 
When everything is white, everything gets dirty.
It's not what you have, it's whose there to enjoy it with you.
I like the food I eat better, when I'm poor.
I love balconies, and big windows.
I prefer hostels to hotels.
Life won't turn out anything like you imagine it.
It doesn't matter how far you run,
your mind will always catch up with you.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

I Can't Believe It.

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Rome? What can I even say about you? You're such a big part of the reason I search for more places. Your small corners with vines flowing out of your windows and flowers dripping from your balconies, how could anyone not love you?

I woke up early. Because I know I love this city, and despite the fact that I'm ready to go home; I love, this city. So I woke up. I ate breakfast and mapped out my adventure. Complete loop around the city, skipping the Coliseum and Vatican because this is my third time here in two years and we'll save those things for last. So I walked. I walked. And it was grey, the sky was grey. Rome has color, and life, and smells. Not grey. You're so out of place, what business could you possibly have to loom over this city?

I kept walking. I found some balconies, I found some people that made me smile. And then a young Roman man stopped me. And then he was my tour guide. Trying to grab my hand ever so often (very often,) because well he's Italian and definitely not French (he says only the French are gay). So we walked, he was funny (and Italian). And I went on my first coffee date in months, in Rome, with a Roman (a very handsome Roman).

And then I wandered some more, and found some more things to smile about. Took a break, ate some lunch, and headed back out. Now the sun was out, and I knew where I was going: the market. I love shopping for the people I love in far, far away places. So I did. Soon, my arms were full of colorful things and I wandered some more. Again, destination clear: Gelato.

I got lost. I get lost a lot, but it didn't matter, I had a map. So I found the Gelato place, the gelato place. Waited on line for 20 minutes, and licked some banana nutella gelato all the way back to the hotel. As I was eating my gelato, walking past the Vatican as the sun sank lower in the sky, I had this thought.

I can't believe this is my life.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

The Dead Sea

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I stood alone, upon the platform in vain
Puerto Ricans they were playing me salsa in the rain
With open doors and manual locks
In fast food parking lots

I headed West, I was a man on the move
New York had lied to me, I needed the truth
Oh, I need somebody, needed someone I could trust
I don't gamble, but if I did I would bet on us

Like the Dead Sea
You told me I was like the Dead Sea
You'll never sink when you are with me
Oh Lord, like the Dead Sea

Whoa, I'm like the Dead Sea
The nicest words you ever said to me
Honey can't you see,
I was born to be, be your Dead Sea

You told me you were good at running away
Domestic life, it never suited you like a suitcase
You left with just the clothes on your back
You took the rest when you took the map

Yes, there are times we live for somebody else
Your father died and you decided to live
It for yourself you felt, you just felt it was time
And I'm glad, cause you with cats, that's just not right

Like the Dead Sea
You told me I was like the Dead Sea
You'll never sink when you are with me
Oh Lord, I'm your Dead Sea

Whoa, I'm like the Dead Sea
The finest words you ever said to me
Honey can't you see
I was born to be, be your dead sea

I been down, I been defeated
You're the message I was heeding
Would you stay,
Would you stay the night?

Dead Sea,
Told me I was like the Dead Sea
Never sink when you are with me
Oh Lord, I'm your Dead Sea

Whoa, I'm like the Dead Sea
The finest words you ever said to me
No need to move your feet so quickly
Oh Lord, I'm your Dead Sea

Friday, June 8, 2012

Next to Me

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This place is just so lovely.
The air smells sweet.
The birds are talking.
The colors spill over the buildings and streets.
Every sight a painting.

Sailing on the sea.
Walking through the streets.
Bakery carts.
Warm and soft.
Wandering aimlessly through that forest.

And back again in time for tea.
And biscuits and tarts.
The breeze from my balcony.
To my soft bed.
Billowing large white curtains.

But I don't like eating alone.
And when I was sitting on that log;
Looking around.
Looking up.
I wished you were there.

Sitting next to me.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

I'm here.

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Living through this trip, and thinking about what's still to come makes me feel like I'm living in my own imagination. I'm just a creation that I've thought up and so is everything I've experienced. The funny thing is, I couldn't have even thought up how beautiful my life is, if I tried. It all just seems unreal.

Today, I woke up. Listened to some sleepy music, sat on my balcony, and took a bubble bath after my morning eggs and fruit. Then the baby and I giggled around the pool and snuck off and found an enchanted forest and a stranger that led us to a slide and swing. At the playground a bunch of curious teenaged Turkish girls asked a million questions and took some pictures of us (being apparently very strange creatures).

Dragging ourselves back down the mountain, it's time for a nap, and then wake just in time for the end of afternoon tea and cookies. Play some tag, swing on some more swings, and slide down a few more slides. We eat some dinner. Watch some movies. And now he's fast asleep.

It seems really simple. But it's all so beautiful. Everything. The sea, the people, the food, the smells, the flowers. I'm just so happy to be alive. So happy to be going home to my sister and summer and yoga. So happy to be moving to Australia and all the places we'll see along the way.

I'm just happy. I'm here. I'm living right now.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

I'm so happy you're here!

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"I love you soooo much!"
"I'm so happy you're here!"
(Huge grin as he rolls all over me.)
You're two!
Do you mean it?!
I love you too!
I think you're my best friend right now.

Thanks for existing little baby.
You've changed my whole world.

Maybe now,
I'm a little less selfish.
A little more patient.
A little less serious.

And I have all these little memories.
All these little smiles.
And little things you've said.
And done.

And I'll never be the same.


Exposure to Awesome Things Makes You a Better Person

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"Awesome" is a word which is thrown around liberally these days. But a new studysuggests that things that inspire awe—that is, a feeling of respect mixed with fear or wonder—actually help make you a better person.
The research, carried out at Stanford University by Melanie Rudd, shows that a sense of awe expands people's perceptions of time, enhances feelings of well-being, and even causes people to behave more altruistically and less materialistically.
In particular, she explains in her paper that's due to be published in Psychological Science later this year, the most significant effects are achieved when people are presented with new awe experiences. While reliving previous awe-inspiring events or reading about imaginary ones has some positive effect, being there, as something amazing happens, is best for you.
But how can your inject more awesome into your life? Rudd has some suggestions:
"There are two things needed for a true awe experience: 1) Perceptual vastness (i.e., you need to perceive that you've encountered something vast in number, size, scope, complexity, or social bearing) and 2) A need for accommodation (i.e., you must feel that you need to revise or update your mental structures/the way you think/your understanding of the world in order to understand the perceptually vast thing/stimuli). So anything you experience in daily life that leads you to experience these two things can stimulate awe and its benefits. And the things that elicit these two things and, as a result, awe, can differ from person to person. However, there are some things that seem to more frequently elicit awe-experiencing nature, being exposed to art or music, and observing the accomplishments of others. Things like social interactions and personal accomplishments seem to be less likely to elicit awe. And I imagine that just putting yourself in new situations, in new places, and encountering new people would increase your chances of experiencing awe."
If ever there was a good advert for getting out there and doing amazing things, this is it. What are you waiting for? [Stanford via Business Insider]

Source: gizmodo.com

From Bed

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TURKEY! 


You are beautiful! I'm sitting in my bed listening to Iron and Wine with my balcony door wide open! Coffee and breakfast are on the way! I'm so happy. I see so many trees from my bed, and my room is just a room. Just a little beautiful room with beautiful paintings and a comfy beds and big windows. I'm so happy. Did I say that already? I'm so happy.

I have off! (But I still hope I get to play with A...) BUT, I can go explore after breakfast! I see old buildings everywhere! And I need to find a playground! And the water! I need to find some water!

I'm so happy.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Dear Turkey.

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Turkey,

All I'm asking for is a balcony and some strong coffee (Yes, I've read about you) so I can sit in the sun in the morning. Istanbul I've seen the map and I know about your beaches and bright skies. If it's not too much to ask for some flowers, those are very much missed in this desert. I've seen your buildings and your beautiful sea and I really don't mind if your hotels are small and there are no indoor pools, because I want to swim in your ocean and walk on your streets. Room service is not necessary, I've seen the fruit trees.

I'll see you in a few hours.

Love,
Sam

Monday, June 4, 2012

How to Live Well

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‘Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life.’ ~Seneca

Post written by Leo Babauta.

I’m not a rich man, nor do I fly around the world and drink champagne with famous people in exotic locales, nor do I own a sports car or SUV or a yacht.
And yet, I’m very happy.

Much happier than seven years ago when I ate fried foods and sweets all time time and felt unhealthy and overweight, when I watched television and was out of shape, when I shopped a lot and was in debt, when I worked a job that paid fairly well and had no time for myself or my loved ones.

How have I accomplished this? With small tricks. The truth is, you don’t need a lot to live well — you just need the right mindset.

Here’s what I’ve learned about living well on little:

You need very little to be happy. Some simple plant food, modest shelter, a couple changes of clothes, a good book, a notebook, some meaningful work, and some loved ones.

Want little, and you are not poor. You can have a lot of money and possessions, but if you always want more, you are poorer than the guy who has little and wants nothing.

Focus on the present. Stop worrying about the future and holding onto the past. How much of your day is spent thinking about things other than where you are and what you’re doing, physically, at this moment? How often are we living as opposed to stuck thinking about other things? Live now and you live fully.

Be happy with what you have and where you are. Too often we want to be somewhere else, doing something else, with other people than whoever we’re with right now, getting things other than what we already have. But where we are is great! Who we’re with (including just ourselves) is already perfect. What we have is enough. What we’re doing already is amazing.

Be grateful for the small pleasures in life. Berries, a square of dark chocolate, tea — simple pleasures that are so much better than rich desserts, sugary drinks, fried foods if you learn to enjoy them fully. A good book borrowed from the library, a walk with a loved one in the park, the fine exertion of a short hard workout, the crazy things your child says, the smile of a stranger, walking barefoot on grass, a moment of quiet as the morning wakens and the world still rests. These little pleasures are living well, without needing much.

Be driven by joy and not fear. People are driven by the fear of missing out, or the fear of change, or the fear of losing something. These are not good reasons to do things. Instead, do things because they give you or others joy. Let your work be driven not because you need to support a lifestyle and are afraid of changing it, but by the joy of doing something creative, meaningful, valuable.

Practice compassion. Compassion for others creates loving, rewarding relationships. Compassion for yourself means forgiving yourself for past mistakes, treating yourself well (including eating well and exercising), loving yourself as you are.

Forget about productivity and numbers. They matter not at all. If you are driven to do things to reach certain numbers (goals), you have probably lost sight of what’s important. If you are striving to be productive, you are filling your days with things just to be productive, which is a waste of a day. This day is a gift, and shouldn’t be crammed with every possible thing — spend time enjoying it and what you’re doing.

Enlightenment & The Power of Now; By Kip Mazuy

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It's very easy
to carry the past
around with you.

To think about what happened
yesterday
or a year ago
or 20 years ago.

To think
you could have done
something different
that would have
made things better.

Or link all of the memories
together into a story
and calling it 'me.'

But it's all nonsense.

What happened
even 20 seconds ago
has nothing to do
with what you are now.

From the perspective
of the mind
you are this person
that stretches back in time.
You are the sum
of all of your memories.

But this is only mental chatter.
It has nothing to do with
what you truly are.

Truly, meaning
not what you think yourself to be
but what is here beyond
all the thinking nonsense.

No matter
what you may think about it,
you are alive in this moment.

Yesterday is not alive;
yesterday is nonexistent.

Right now,
there is the undeniable
sense of life
beyond all the useless
definitions and descriptions.

Right now life is happening
and it is your choice
whether you are alive
in this moment
or you choose
to distract yourself
about endless
commentaries
of what happened before,
what might happen later
and what to call this moment
so the mind can understand it.

If you choose in this moment
to experience yourself alive
then you are radiance.

It is no easy task,
it requires your complete
attention
to remain here
on what is really
going on in this moment.

Not your ideas about
what is going on,
not your knowledge
of what it felt like 10 seconds ago
to be alive in this moment.

But right here;
living is happening,
life is happening.

Not for your body
or your mind
or any of that nonsense.

You allow all that to be
but you look past it.

Something much bigger,
life itself
in its totality
radiating
even exploding
in this moment
with such force
that it belittles
the mind,
belittles
the idea of this
self important 'you'
with all its problems
and desires.

Its not really about
getting a certain pleasure
or attainment
but being alive,
being willing enough
to truly feel life
happening in this moment
and remaining
alive,
remaining
attentive
to the direct experience
that life is happening
forever and ever
in this moment.

To remain immersed
in the source of life
that is lighting up
the whole show.

And if you even
think about it
you miss it.

If you know it
you miss it.

It is too simple
for understanding.

Too close to you
to even be seen.

You can only be
and recognize being,
which are really the
same thing.

You fully recognize
being in this moment
and there is no
room for anything else.

Consciousness
takes up the whole view.

Blessings,


Kip

I'm sorry.

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This is my apology.
Because indoor pools are not forests.
And room service,
Is not an avocado sandwich.

This is my apology.
That my balcony door is broken.
And there's 2 elevators and 2 buildings,
Until we get outside.

This is my apology.
For having a thousand people,
at my beck and call.
And no one to talk to.

This is my apology.
Because all I do is miss you.
And I feel selfish.
For missing you.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

TED: Benjamin Zander on music and passion

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Benjamin Zander has two infectious passions: classical music, and helping us all realize our untapped love for it -- and by extension, our untapped love for all new possibilities, new experiences, new connections.

A leading interpreter of Mahler and Beethoven, Benjamin Zander is known for his charisma and unyielding energy -- and for his brilliant pre-concert talks.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Aladdin.

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Because it's silly. And because A and I watched this on Disney tonight while we ate a cupcake.


Arabian Nights.

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Here I am, on my bed, on my first full Arabian Night...reflecting. Every minute I spend with A, I remember I'm going to be leaving him in a week and it makes me so sad and thoughtful. I watch the little things he does and says and try to pay attention to remember him better. He feels like my little brother at this point, like a phantom limb. Taking care of him feels so natural, I honestly can't imagine not having him under foot or in my arms. The way he smiles, giggles, and thinks amazes me and I cherish everyday I got to spend with my little brother.

The places we've been going and the things I've seen on this tour are insane and incredible. I can't imagine a better experience that could have taught me more about myself and the world around me. The United Arab Emirates is unlike any other place I've seen before. I mean...obviously, but you really forget places so different actually exist in a world of their own outside of your own. Watching the people walk in their strange dress, with their strange language in this strange environment is a mix of scary and exhilarating. I think those are two of my favorite feelings.

I know I'm growing when I feel scared. And I know I'm truly happy when I'm exhilarated. Israel was so peaceful and natural and down to earth. Abu Dhabi seems very glamourous and cold but maybe that's just this huge hotel and these huge rooms that make me feel so very far away and alone.

Regardless, I can't believe I'm here. And I can't wait to see my sister when I get off the PATH train. That's all for now.

MDNA

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Life on an Airplane.

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I watched three men serenade a crying baby to sleep on the bus last night.
It was beautiful.
I smiled, but no one was looking.

People would kill for this hotel room.
But I would kill for my sister to be in it.

Hotel to hotel to bus to bus to plane to plane.
With crying babies who can't eat any of the food.
Room service brings us.
And stay up until dawn.

Now I see, everything you could possibly,
Ever want?

And how I have everything I already need.
And how it has nothing to do.
With any of these things.
Or which tag is on my luggage.

 

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