Fear of Spiders

 Everyone told me India was going to change me but all I can see so far is the smell of my sweat and how it reeks of India. That I'm terrified of the spiders the size of my unclenched fist in the hole in the floor that's supposed to be a bathroom but I think it's more the spiders in my head that make me want to cry. I'm frustrated that I've already cried more times that I'm proud to say and I still can't do a fucking handstand. My boyfriend's sick and even through all the fucking meditation and chanting mantras I can't fucking understand, we're fighting. And the only thing I can figure out to do is stay. Stay with the frustration and sadness and my stupid ego I can still hear in the back of my head. I guess I'll just sit here in silence until I can figure out what to do next.