Choose to choose.

I think the conclusion I've come to this morning after "stumblingupon" about 5 self-help websites is the power of consciousness. You are your thoughts, you are what you perceive, yadayadayada...BUT, even more than that, you choose the person you are because all you are, is your THOUGHTS, and the PHYSICAL CHOICES you make. If I decide to learn how to start a business and decide to take small steps to make that happen then that becomes apart of the person I'm choosing to be. Or I could tell myself that my idea is silly and work a more practical job, thinking of happiness as a distant dream that is only for the lucky. I'm kind of rambling, but the power of choice is really apparent to me today.

Sometimes I feel guilty about babysitting. That's what I'm doing right now. I have several gigs where I go play with little girls. Everyday I'm drawing pictures and running around chasing Barbie Jeeps and girls in Halloween costumes and you know what? IT'S AWESOME. And I still have time to work towards bigger goals and I love my days. This is my choice.

The last 10 seconds:

makes me very sad.

2011.10.26 Occupy Oakland Police Riot

NYC POLICE REDIRECTING ‘DRUNKS’ & ‘AGGRESSIVE’ TO OCCUPY PROTEST

(Emmanuel Dunand - AFP/Getty Images)

"Police across the country have been violently cracking down on the Occupy protesters, leading to the serious head injury of Iraq veteran Scott Olsen. As Salon Justin Elliot notes today, New York City police are trying a different tactic to “undermine the credibility of Occupy Wall Street.” A New York Daily News report notes that police officers are telling “drunks” and “aggressive” people found in other parks to “take it to Zuccotti.” When “asked to intervene with troublemakers inside the park,” at least three cops repeated, “He’s got a right to express himself, you’ve got a right to express yourself.” They used “nearly identical language,” even when asked to address “a clearly disturbed man screaming and singing wildly at 3 a.m. for the second straight night.”

THINKPROGRESS.ORG 

Negative to Positive.

People always say to "look on the bright side." But it's harder to actually do when something bad happens. Usually all we want to do is surrender and shrivel into a ball until the the pain or problem goes away. Recently something happened that made me want to crawl into a fetal position and cry until I felt better. At first I became weak, thought negatively about the situation and all the possible implications it would have and let myself be miserable. The next morning I woke up and realized I had a choice. I could either make this into something horrible that would make me weak and take happiness from the finite days I've been given, or I could choose to be strong. I've sort of chosen strength.

Change is scary, and sometimes very unwelcome but you've got to work with what you've got. And right now I've got time for myself again, so I'm going to use it to do something positive. I've been running, cooking and baking, learning new things, and just plain remembering how much I love being alone. This shift also made me remember how lucky I am to have such amazing friends. No matter what happens, life goes on and how you choose to perceive each twist in the road is your decision.