My mom's my best friend. The fact that my sister and I are separate entities is a blur in my mind. I pretend I never cry, but laying on the ground with my head to my knees and wet cheeks almost feels like home. Sometimes I'm too scared to talk even when I know every person in the room. I feel bad when I can't stay calm, or I'm too anxious or angry to do the right thing. I don't lie, but I have before and it makes me feel lost. I usually leave at just the point when I have no idea what to do next. I love babies. I love holding babies and singing to them. They'll look straight in your eyes and don't care where you've been before you got there. It's silly but sometimes I actually think of myself as a flower. Absorbing sunlight.
I remember what it was like before you died.
I didn't read back then. I remember being angry. I remember thinking I was stupid.
1 comments:
samanthalv..."Watch Me Grow"… the motto of your blog. Well Sammie, it has been a pleasure to do just that...watching you grow. Knowing you as only your mother would, I am profoundly aware of the impact the death you speak of had on you. It was a life altering moment and it rocked your world. That path you were on was in an instant changed and you have never been the same. I watched my angry child slip away and a flower appear in her place. This flower, as you say, absorbed the sunshine and took root. These roots held you firm…but did not anchor you. These roots held you to the belief that there was a purpose or destiny to your life. As you read and as you learned it became apparent that this world held so much for you to experience. Perhaps you are uncertain of where your journey will take you…but that is life. As I watch you blossom and follow each unknown path I see the most beautiful flower emerge on the other end. So go ahead…take another path…and see where the other end brings you. I will never tire of beautiful flowers! I am SO proud of you and who you are. I Love you Sammie!
P.S. You were NEVER stupid!
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