To the End of the Earth.

Yeah, I'm waking up alone.
I guess you were just being nice.

This feels unfair.
And I don't even want you to save me.

See them close the doors and walk to bed,
and you are no moon.

All the second chances, seized and rescued before that little fracture.
That break that will never be mended.

And all these boys.
Careful hearts in careful hands.

Falling, but never broken on the floor.
But I feel the cold hard earth.

Ten million pieces and all the ways
you let me die on the ground.

I'm walking to the end of the earth.
I will find my gentle hands.

Baz Lurhmann

Om Shanti

Girl, You Get Too High

Someone once told me "Girl, you get too high." I never understood what this meant until I reached the sky and fell all the way back down. Girl you get too high. It's no fun living on a cloud when it rains. And I thought I wasn't sensitive but then why New York? And what happens when I can't run farther than Australia? Maybe I'll come all the way back home but I'll make no clouds to sit on.

Someone once told me "Stop with your boxes, things are not so neat." I never understood what this meant until I watched everyone fall apart. People are not to be contained, people are to feed flight. If you don't understand what I mean, try and hold on tight. That organization in your head, the way you try to comprehend what's going on? Stop with your boxes and settle in the chaos.

Someone once told me "Don't worry, this too shall pass." But because of my highs and because of my lows, because of those boxes and because of those fingers, I still come back to this place. This place that manifests those feelings of bliss and despair, of family and dying alone.

This is the day I tell myself; Detach from whatever thoughts your imagination can have of tomorrow. Stand on the ground. And let go.

The Opposite of Indifference.

My mom's my best friend. The fact that my sister and I are separate entities is a blur in my mind. I pretend I never cry, but laying on the ground with my head to my knees and wet cheeks almost feels like home. Sometimes I'm too scared to talk even when I know every person in the room. I feel bad when I can't stay calm, or I'm too anxious or angry to do the right thing. I don't lie, but I have before and it makes me feel lost. I usually leave at just the point when I have no idea what to do next. I love babies. I love holding babies and singing to them. They'll look straight in your eyes and don't care where you've been before you got there. It's silly but sometimes I actually think of myself as a flower. Absorbing sunlight.

I remember what it was like before you died.

I didn't read back then. I remember being angry. I remember thinking I was stupid.

Lightening Storm

The lightening storm rained upon me. I heard this tremendous bass in a Classical Heart Wrench when I walked in to today. Not sure if it was self-indulgent or actual pain burdening only my little ego. And seeing you, grown up. Growing up together. I could cry. Look at you my little princess. My little deserted princess who gives everything. You gave everything and I left without saying goodbye.

But I need you to know I felt like I was going to die. I felt like I was dying.

And it guess it doesn't matter that I'm sorry. Because the world kept spinning on without me, and the only one that has to live with what I've done is this person looking back at me.

I live with my own mind, and only I know what I am.

But to you I was wrong.

Flowers In Your Hair

When we were younger

We thought everyone was on our side

Then we grew a little

And romanticized the time I saw

Flowers in your hair

Takes a boy to live

Takes a man to pretend he was there

So then we grew a little

Knew a lot

And now we demonstrated it to the cops

And all the things we said

We were self assured

It's a long road to wisdom

It's a short one to being ignored

Be in my eye

Be in my heart

By in my eye, eyeyeye

Be in my heart

So now I think that I could love you back

And I hope its not too late

'Cause youre so attractive

And the way you move

I won't close my eyes

Takes a man to live

Takes a woman to make him compromise

Be in my eye

Be in my heart

Be in my eye, eyeyeye

Be in my heart

Staring Down the Devil

No, I'm not faking this face I'm making. I can't muster up enough strength to pretend to look any other way. We juiced. I remember "not being able to manipulate thought to filter for the different people." There was no spare energy to distort. What you see is what you get. And what is thought is my full expression. Now on a constant state of that calm vibration. Not angry, but soaking in reality. Why do you make that face my brother? Can you see mine? There's nothing to hide. But what you are. And being defined by those things you do.

Those things you do.

And I see you. Are you lost? Do you feel anxious about what you're becoming? Are you scared of being so young? And being so far. Oh, I watch you try to control that future. In that futile battle that will never be won.

So I'm concentrating on my breath. And I'm concentrating on my thoughts. Watching what blooms and festers and staring them in the eyes. Staring the Devil down.