Before I Opened my Eyes

I woke up and you were here today.

Before I even opened my eyes.

3,000 miles away and you're still haunting my dreams.
I remember this feeling perfectly because you used to be there every time I closed my eyes and every morning when they opened, and it's that feeling of withering away. And I don't know why you appeared this morning but it was the same as it was when it was killing me. That feeling of (I lost you) and (you're gone) but now I 've learned to comfort myself with that mantra of; !! you do not love me, he does not love you !! Counter-intuitively it makes me feel better rather than worse. It makes it not matter so much and becomes the perfect anestesia for the complete indifference you serve me. But I still love you.

I think I'll always love you. My first disaster.