Sunday, September 30, 2012

Facebook Chat with Mom

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  • 13 minutes ago
    Samantha Lee Vetrano
    • i was just talking to calvin
    • and i was telling him i think a person's the only thing that could keep me in one place
    • and he was like...i think there should be another reason. i really liked that

  • 12 minutes ago
    Annette Hebler Vetrano
    • Calvin is right


  • 12 minutes ago
    Samantha Lee Vetrano

    • yeah he is

  • 12 minutes ago
    Annette Hebler Vetrano
    • but a person can help
    • or be part of the reason

  • 11 minutes ago
    Samantha Lee Vetrano
    • yeah that's true too
    • it was weird i think those guys honestly and genuinely like us. but you know what? i don't think they wanted to. i think they want to just do their solo thing now
    • it's weird they're not 22. and i can't imagine not wanting to fall in love
    • i guess you grow out of that innocence. or maybe it's a chick thing

  • 9 minutes ago
    Annette Hebler Vetrano
    • a little of both i think

  • 8 minutes ago
    Samantha Lee Vetrano
    • i think so too
    • that's weird. seems like one of the adventures of life

  • 7 minutes ago
    Annette Hebler Vetrano
    • again...balance

  • 3 minutes ago
    Annette Hebler Vetrano
    • you know...i learned something this summer.
      love is weird.
      we have a preordained idea of what it should be any thats what gets us in trouble.
      try not to put it in a box...it takes many forms and many levels

  • 3 minutes ago
    Samantha Lee Vetrano
    • i think that's really good advice
    • kind of like that heartbreak thing. it's easy to look back and be pissed because he couldn't do it "right" but it was still love. 
    • it's just the best people can do. a reflection of themselves

Banana Cake

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Fiji has been so much of books and yoga and curry. (And banana cake.) Remember that book, Eat, Pray, Love? Well this was Yoga, Love, EAT. I don't even know how else to describe our time here and I don't think I'll be able to until we're gone. Retrospect is 20/20? It's 4:30 am on a Monday and we leave in about 29 hours. I can't say I'm sorry because Australia is screaming in my ears. I remember sitting on my bed in Manhattan with my sister deciding we should take a two month detour on our way to Sydney and now I can't believe it's coming to an end. But look at what we found out; we discovered things we loved in every stop, from fruit trees to families, to boys and beaches. And now Oahu lingers in our mind and we made a plan to get back there for the winter. But we'll see, it's funny waking up with a new plan every day. It's that search for stability and security that never ends up providing much of either besides temporary relief from your own brain. I'm trying to find some comfort in the chaos. Leave tomorrow up to tomorrow.

What if I Never Met You?

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What if I never met you? I don't know because it would have been so easy if that girl never stopped and gave me directions. The chain reaction began. With all the endless possibilities of "how it could go" and a single move or smile can change the course of action forever. And isn't that how everything is? Those single moments, each one that changes your whole fate. And I try to remember that when I'm tired and talking to new people. That this moment could sculpt out my whole future for better and for worse and it gives me patience. Because some of those little moments will bring me to mountains and cliffs and heartbreak while some will bring me right to you. 

Tao Te Ching

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Galactic Yin Yang.
9
Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.

Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.

Tao Te Ching

Friday, September 28, 2012

Where?

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I woke up at one in the morning.
And I remembered I was on this island,
Because of all the bugs.
And that flashlight at the window.

I'm lonely.
You said, it's just the dark.
It seems empty.
Yeah, or I seem empty in the dark.

And these are the minutes I feel;
A hole in my chest.
That's filled with those distractions.
From everything we left behind.

I told you to take me home.
And you asked Where?

Yoga Gypsy: Core and Hip Yoga in Fiji

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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

A New Earth Excerpt

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"Most people are only peripherally aware of the world that surrounds them, especially if their surroundings are familiar. The voice in the head absorbs the greater part of their attention. Some people feel more alive when they travel and visit unfamiliar places or foreign countries because at those times sense perception—experiencing—takes up more of their consciousness than thinking. They become more present."


(Eckhart. 239)


"Physicists have discovered that the apparent solidity of matter is an illusion created by our sense. This includes the physical body, which we perceive and think of as form, but 99.99% of which is actually empty space. This is how vast the space is between the atoms compared to their size, and there is as much space again within each atom. The physical body is no more than a misperception of who you are. In many ways, it is a microcosmic version of outer space."

(Eckhart. 250)

All is One

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He's telling me to go to the spaces in between the thoughts; because you're not really the thoughts or the feelings, that persistent voice in your head. And I feel that breeze blow and I'm explaining it (and you're not supposed to explain it) because it's just so beautiful to feel like your body doesn't exist and you're floating with the wind and the sounds all at the same time and you are that sunlight that's hitting your face (face?) and Oh my gosh why are we so cursed and fortunate to be those things conscious and unconscious of ourselves, what a gift, what a plague. But I can do things like write love letters to you and run down a hill as fast as my legs will go and that balance between the space in the matter is where I'll learn to live. So I can dance in and be the sun. All at once.

All is one.

Each Life

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Why can't I listen to your voices anymore? When you're gone, I guess you're gone. And you said I remember your smell but you've been gone for so god damn long. And I know how you feel because everything seems like a new life that I'm living and I try to string them together on this necklace I'm calling "my life" but they don't connect and I grow and die a thousand times in one day. But then (Oh Stagnancy?) I can't bare the watch that light in your eye fade away into long nights and decisions you made because you were tired. Thank god it's easy to forget when I've lived six different lives since I walked on to that first plane and I still can't decide which one will make me happy. Or which one will distract me long enough to plant that seed and grow those roots.

I promise I'll love you. Promise not to take it personally.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Thunder Storm

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A thunder storm woke me up last night. And it was so beautiful that it reminded me of the book I was reading. Not being able to determine good from bad and the thinking mind trying to organize everything and how confused it can be in a place like the forest. Where the intertwining of life that grows out of decay and order that seems to break down and I saw that chaos in the light of the thunder storm and I sat there in awe. Not trying to make anything of it but having the experience of that night and that storm. Alone among eleven other sleeping bodies. And I like to say the universe is a poem because during moments like that and heartbeats that thump in my chest I'm reminded how very alive I am.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Moon Smiles

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When the people smile here it goes from the moon to the sun. Those brooms they use of loose straw make a better sound than anything I've heard before. The birds and sounds I hear outside the window every morning are my favorite part of the day. And how happy little boys get riding their little bikes makes me smile almost as big as those women holding their babies. Miles and miles of green land and those mountains and all those palm trees messily overflowing each other with little houses planted like flowers sprinkled among the land. And it's lovely. Sometime like peaceful.

On Bikes

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On bikes.
We road through the rain today.
Past flowers and little boys.


She said "Bula is how they greet people here."
It also means LIFE.

She also told me her journal,
it was just all love letters.

I said me too.
But what I meant,

Was waking up in all those boys beds.
Because I think that's what love is.

Head on chests.
Kisses on the forehead.
And smiling at them in the morning.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Fiji Morning

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I wake up in my bunk bed. 
Go out onto the porch,
to brush my teeth.
Surrounded by jungle.
I take a cold shower.
Eat my fruit and toast.
And drink some instant coffee.
Do some yoga under the trees.

I can't explain why these mornings make me so happy.

Roots

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Okay we were being dramatic. We took a walk into town today. Not quite into the city center but to where there were a few more people. It's beautiful, and everyone was so nice to us. We went to this mini flea market and browsed for awhile before buying some groceries at a food market. Everything's so expensive and the selection is quite small but we've been known to be able to live off anything. Baked beans and eggs it is for the next few days.

We've been having a lot of conversation about the nature of what we're doing and how it gets hard not wanting to plant roots in New Jersey but not wanting to wander forever either. New Jersey isn't our paradise but I think when we're done with this trip it will be time to make a commitment to something. I've been fiddling with the idea of applying to Teach For America. Started my application this morning. NOW WHICH CITY?! 

Friday, September 21, 2012

Sam Mouton

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We met Sam last year in our hostel in New Zealand. We knew he was talented but we just found out he's on The Voice! Check him out :)

Little Girls.

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We're little girls. And we know it and we love it and we'll smile at you while you sigh at all the silly things we do and silly dreams we live through because for the same reason we dance in the kitchen while we cook and squeeze people a little too long while we're hugging them goodbye, we find that brightness and lesson in each day and learn to grow but not grow hard. And grow old but not grow up. And we will keep chasing those bright skies for as long as we wake up each morning and the light holds that promise of love and adventure and all of our dreams coming true through every moment of everyday.

All hail the little girls.

Nadi, Fiji

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Fiji's a bit different. We arrived days ago and we felt a bit off as soon as we got here. (Maybe having something to do with instantly knowing we wanted to live forever on the North Shore and having to leave?) Anyway, the airport made us feel a little weird, with constant unwanted attention and some strange mating noises from the men surrounding. But we we're met by three awesome guys that worked at our hostel which made us feel a bit better. We don't really mind the hostel, the most people we've seen around since we've gotten here. Outside our little street though...there isn't much.

There's a beach across the street that we've been frequenting but it lies in the shadow of anything we saw in Hawaii (We heard we need to make it up North, but we're a bit too broke at this point). After feeling a bit odd all the first day, we ran into this woman who scared the crap out of us with her stories of rape and robbery, telling us we shouldn't be going to ATM's alone or wear our hair down or any jewelry. We already got a weird vibe but this made us feel really strange.

Everything's pretty cheap, so we've been taking the opportunity to practice yoga, read, meditate, and just relax a little before we get to Sydney in a few days. We still don't really have any idea where we want to live once we get there, but we're not that worried about it. The idea of getting a campervan and living out the back of it, is a definite possibility.

Onward.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

KAVA

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"Kava or kava-kava is a crop of the western Pacific. The name kava is from Tongan and Marquesan; other names for kava include ʻawa, ava, yaqona, and sakau. The roots of the plant are used to produce a drink with sedative and anesthetic properties."



They all sit around in a circle at our hostel every night drinking this stuff and playing music. I am very into it.

You're Scaring Me

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Were you trying to scare us?
About that time you were raped.
Did they really want to cut off your head?
You model.

Were you trying to scare us?
Don't wear those rings.
Or our bare shoulders and long hair.
Smoking Reds.

Were you trying to scare us?
Staring at me with wide eyes.
You're so beautiful.

It's scaring me.



I miss you Because.

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I've never been embarrassed to write about anything, but I'm embarrassed right now. [I'll change the subject until I'm ready.] Two lizards(?) the size of my palm are chasing each other up the wall right next to me.

I'm in Fiji. I'm sitting on the floor in my hostel with twelve beds and a floor big enough to distract myself with. (Perfect for yoga.) I love crawling on the floor.

I keep getting up because I can't sit still. I was reading that book, that book on letting go and for some reason I kept thinking about you holding me. That's why I'm so embarrassed. I don't know why certain things stick in my mind. But there you are. It was probably all the palm trees and the beautiful beaches and the fact that I can fall in love with anything (and usually do) behind why this is happening in my head, or maybe my chest, I'm not sure. A combination of all the most romantic and beautiful and lovely things filled up my body like an empty tin.

I miss you because because you asked if there were cots for us to sleep on. (You didn't like the idea of us sleeping on the floor?) And I miss you because you kissed me on the forehead in the morning. And yes I fall in love with everything, but I don't think that's the point. I think it's that you were nice.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Common Kings

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I left my Heart

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That t-shirt said I LEFT MY HEART IN HAWAII. Usually I'd think this was quite funny and roll my eyes but when I saw it I thought...I LEFT MY HEART IN HAWAII. For so many reasons and so many moments, if we weren't leaving for Fiji and Australia—I would not have gotten on the plane. All those thoughts that I usually have about Heaven and the Beautiful came to life in some weird fantasyland I'm not sure if I made up in my own head. (Could it exist?) All those people? Yeah, they're just like you and brave and that adventure you're seeking, they understand what you mean. We were walking around eating fruit off trees and jumping in oceans for showers when I realized I shouldn't live anywhere that doesn't make me feel like this. Like alive? Being alive. I'd rather be dead than settling. And I'm tired of endlessly wandering, so if I don't marry an Australian I think I'll fly my blonde head all the way back to Hawaii.

I left my mind in Hawaii. 

Friday, September 14, 2012

Girls and Beds

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I still fucking love you.
It's so easy to forget.
When you're not around.
And I'm not a pet.

But I'm reminded I still love you.

Mostly because I still wince,
And heartbeat drops.
Thinking about all those fucking girls.
And all those fucking beds.

Acai Bowl

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Today's brunch brought to you by Sharks Cove Grill. Underneath is this acai sherbet and all the berries are frozen. Unreal. We ate that and two sunny side up eggs today with hot sauce. Hung on Sunset beach all morning, cruised past Pipeline and all the way to Sharks Cove. We ate some brunch, tied on our goggles and swam around Sharks Cove looking for some fish, escaped a rain storm, hiked up the side of a hill behind an elementary school overlooking the ocean and then all the way back to Turtle Bay where we stopped at a fruit stand before diving in the water. Full day, and back before 5PM. 

Never Neverland

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Yesterday was one of the craziest of all days. We woke up bright and early in the apartment we had been staying, got our stuff together and went to the local coffee shop to edit our latest yoga video. When we get back to the apartment we had been couchsurfing at a few hours later, the whole place is flooded. Our host had left the faucet on accidentally, and 2 inches of water flooded the entire floor. Almost immediately after, we were picked up by a friendly Hawaiian we had met at the coffee shop, who drove us all the way up to the North Shore in the bed of his pickup truck, just...because. The kindness we have received here is only rivaled by our huge family back home and it makes us feel very grateful to be in such an amazingly beautiful place with people who match the scenery internally and externally.

When we finally made it up to the North Shore, we crashed with three awesome girls (two from New Jersey and one from Sweden) who are as beautiful as they are kind. We sort of know these hosts, they're friends of a friend, so we feel very safe. We walked into their apartment and I immediately felt like I was home. Being up here is like being in Never Neverland. I could live here forever and never fully grow up. (That's kind of my goal anyway.)

The idea of this part of the island being a US state, where I wouldn't need a visa to work, change currency, or constantly use a translation book, makes it extremely enticing and I can imagine living here when I'm ready to lay down my bag and make a home.

We're very happy.

Bridge between two small Norwegian towns.

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This video is shot with a GoPro Hero 2 and a Sony XDCAM EX1 camera. It was the day after the storm "Dagmar" hit the shore. This storm caused a lot of damage in the area. The Atlantic Road was built in 1983-1989 and has become a very popular road for tourists visiting the north-west coast of Norway.

Happy Yoga in Hawaii

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Thursday, September 13, 2012

Aloha.

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We've been couchsurfing in Hawaii Kai, living off about $35 a day between the two of us and walked over 30 miles in the last few days. It's great. We've made a staple out of splitting fast food taco plates at the local strip mall and made whole adventures out of getting lost and found along highways. You can do anything here. We've hiked to waterfalls and found open air malls.

Today we're leaving for the North Shore, we're trying to camp on the beach somewhere hidden enough that we won't get in trouble. The beaches there are unreal. You can float all day in the crystal blue water, find some good rocks to fling off of and take a rest on the unbelievably warm sand.

We packed up all our stuff this morning, looking up different city buses ($2.50 each and 4.5 hours to the north shore) and we're leaving in a few hours. We've met some good friends already, and wake up everyday in disbelief that a place this beautiful actually exists. The North Shore is more remote and "country" which is (for us) the point of being in a spot as beautiful as Hawaii, so I'm sure we'll have some good stories when we come back on Tuesday.

Aloha.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

September the 11th

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“I can think of no more stirring symbol of man’s humanity to man than a fire engine.” — Kurt Vonnegut

Delta Spirit

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May the wind be always at your back
And the sun shine warm upon your face
May the rains fall soft upon your field
Until the day we meet again
And the roof that hangs over your head
Find you shelter from the storm
Before the devil knows you're dead
May you be in heaven, my friend
May good luck find you at your worst
And bad love lose you at your best
May your days be rich and full of wealth
And your nights be long when you need rest
And the roof that hangs over your head
Find you shelter from the storm
Before the devil knows you're dead
May you be in heaven, my friend
And the road, may it rise to meet your feet
And be downhill all the way to your door
May the grass below be green and the sky above be blue
May it be so forever more
And the roof that hangs over your head
Find you shelter from the storm
Before the devil knows you're dead
May you be in heaven, my friend

Monday, September 10, 2012

To Aisling.

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To Aisling, to Nellie, to Carlie, to Ava, to Adele, to Lauren, to Joe, to Katie, to Bob, to Ciaran, to Bethany, to Freddie, to Carrie, to Malea, to Brett, to Mom, to Bobby, to Courtney, to James, to Sarah, to Miranda, to Abi, to you out there.




I never thought I'd miss our balcony in Midtown as much.
As dancing in boots in a small town in Ireland.
As waking up to the messiest tacos and faces.

To so many cigarettes, and so many stares.
To so many mornings and so many conversations.
And so many times I knew I loved you.

Through those drives,
and walks, and beers,
and fires, and banjos,
and your beautiful face.

To how many steps we've taken away,
and how many thoughts bring me right back.
To those houses,
to those tables.
And to those moments,
that stay with me everyday.

I miss you so much.
My best friend.

Things I knew.

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It's funny how there's always something to complain about. And then you look back. And you miss that chapter. And you miss those faces and those places. After being aware of complaining in general. And thinking about all the excuses for not moving and not doing. I understood the meaning, and accepted the presentation. But now not to stall and to continue to grow. Stagnant, non-moving, non-changing; what an existence. Why are you so comfortable and safe? Things I know. Things I knew.


Hawaii Kai, Honolulu, and all over the North Shore

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Our couchsurfing host Jimmy, drove us up to the North Shore on Friday night. We got to stay here:


And it was absolutely as beautiful as it looks. We spent all day hauling around in the back of a pickup truck with a surfboard sticking out, driving from beach to beach trying to see as much as possible in 8 hours. We started off at Waimae bay, where we jumped off this huge rock into the ocean...over and over. Perfect way to wake up in the morning. Grabbed some burritos from the only food truck in the area and moved on to the next beach. We saw turtles and Pipeline and just about every beautiful image of Hawaii you've ever had. It really is magical. 

We have a hard time planning out our day, because anywhere you stumble upon will be awesome. We'd almost rather be off the beaten track, avoid some pasty vacationers and just mosey around. We're definitely have quite the experience here, and trying to figure out who we are trying to become on this trip along the way.


Wish us luck.

Letter from the Road

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This is one of the things that keeps us going. Love we get from people along the way. From our favorite girl:



"Hi girls!

Woke up this morning (for the second time :)) and felt a little lonely not to have my two little buddies here, eating breakfast, exploring the internet, deciding on what we want to do for the day. But, no use in being lonely because what does that add to the world?!

I just really love you both individually and as a team. JR, I admire your quest for adventure and ability to let others judgement of your gypsy, free-spirit lifestyle fall by the way side.You are always on the search to better yourself and the world and what more could one gain out of life than what they will discover in that search? Zo, you are one of the most genuine, loving and selfless people I know. You are always putting yourself before others and are very aware of how others are feeling. You give the warmest, most comforting hugs that are a reflection of your big heart. As a team, you guys just add so much happiness and positivity to the situation. Your smiles, laughs and love are infectious. I have a list of people who's qualities I admire and strive to obtain in my life, and you are both on this list for these very reasons. You're right up there with people like effin' Lamb!

...

I know you girls will continue this path of adventure, spreading love wherever you go, making new friends and enriching lives. Don't worry about your future. Did you expect to be doing what you're doing now last year?! And look at you now! Maybe this journey is to soul search and find what truly makes you happy. Even if you can't pin point that by the end of it, that's okay! Never outline your life or you will be thrown when it doesn't turn out the way you think it should. Just watch the beauty unfold before you and trust that only good is happening."

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Walk out of the Cave.

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There's a dead spider outside my window. I think he would kill me if you got the chance. Isn't that what you said? They would kill me if they got the chance. I can't think of anything that could want to kill you. You're so funny. Thanks for letting us stay here, I know you knew what you gave us on that morning. When we walked out on the balcony with coffee black and cigarettes white and that god damn ocean staring back at us reminding that we are never and we are always all alone. Standing on the top of the world or the darkest corner of my father's house. Out in the middle of the water. I'm so far away from you, but here you live in my head. In my dreams. You all haunt my dreams. Less like dwelling and more like dancing in my head behind my eyes. And I fucking miss you so bad it hurts my stomach. I knew I'd walk these steps with a goddamn aching in my god damned heart. But I can feel that bird that lives in my chest (even more now) and it laughs at all the caged animals along the way, singing to those flying above her farther up. To the top of the canyon.

One day we will walk out of the cave.

She thinks it's a great idea that I want to teach children.

Ahead of the Curve

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Today.

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I can't see you.
Makes me want to run, not walk.
Every step back to you.
And pretend that's where I belong.
Today.

Long to be so far away.
And so close to you.
Ever at the same time.
To smell your hair.
Today.

I can't see you.
It makes me hurt.
I see you enough in my head.
Sunshine shining.
Today.

I could use the company.
Running through the desert.
Sun shine on.
Beating our backs.
Today.

I carry you with me.
Don't you ever worry about that.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The Hummingbird

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It broke my heart when those words you said to me after I told you I missed you disintegrated in my mind. I don't know why the things you say seem to float in the air and hold the moment like they're claiming the second in the name of their implication, but they do. Why did it seem like everyone missed the point when it was stopping me in my tracks?

Those tiny moments that freeze my thoughts and breath and slow down time like the hummingbird in the backyard after I woke up determined to be a bitch.

I live for those moments. And I remembered what you said.

Monday, September 3, 2012

No One Sleeps.

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No one sleeps tonight.
Women on couches, prolonging the dead night.
Cigarettes and black swallowed skies.
Little burning spots visible from every dead desert.

I wear that tie around my wrist because I know it keeps me safe.
But I'm not sure if it works the same way in HELL.

You will come alive with the timely birth of the earth.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Falling from the tree.

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What Tree Did You Fall From?

Find your birthday and its corresponding tree.
Then, see the meaning behind it below. Do you recognize yourself?

CHESTNUT TREE (the Honesty) - of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.

Find out your tree.





 

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